Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
