Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
