I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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