I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
