My first STD was from a foam party
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
