I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this boner is exhausting
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
