remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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