Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
