How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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