Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am midnight drunk by noon
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
