I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
