apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
