I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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