and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
