oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
