i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
