Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
