Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
