just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
