Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
