Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
