you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
