So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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