My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
