Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
