Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
