so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
