Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
