i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
