He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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