After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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