Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
