i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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