She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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