So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
