you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
