she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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