I murdered the dance floor call the cops
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
