so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He uses pillows to masturbate.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
