Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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