Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
