I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
