I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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