She's JV to your varsity
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
