you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
