I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
