I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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