I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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