i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
