remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
