So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
