You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
