He kissed a someone with a penis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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