So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
